Evil Phalanges

Amos and I are in Louisville Kentucky for a couple of days to do some stuff (we will talk about THAT later gators). Becky, stop crying:)

SO after our long day here, we went to a mall. Ate at Cheesecake Factory. I would go all Giada De Laurentis on you and describe the food that put AT LEAST five pounds of fatty love on our hiney’s but I won’t. Some of you are trying to lose weight.

We walked around the mall and I saw it all coming. Slowly I tried to walk into a store, but it was too late. Amos saw her. That little lady with her evil phalanges disguised as a massage center in the middle of the mall.

“Oh. yeah. that’s what we need Mariah.”

“no. WE don’t.”

“oh come on! It will relax us”

I know better.

But there we go. Sitting down. So I take a deep breath and tell myself it may relax me. As long as she doesn’t bruise me with her “relaxing massage”

The first thing she does is work on my head with what the…are those 9 inch nails that she just drove into my skull? Am I bleeding? What the heck is she doing? No. It isn’t spikes drilling into my brain. She is just killing me with her Evil Steroid Phalanges. Good Lord those things are lethal!

Nothing relaxing so far. So she said “okay?” and I replied “Yeah! Maybe just a little lighter.”

She kept going, and we repeated the above conversation about three more times. Finally she got it right. Kind of.

Meanwhile Amos is over there asleep. Drooling. Because he is so “relaxed”