Do you ever talk to your spouse?

Not just talk about the kids, but share things about yourself? Things they already know about you  and some they do not?

There is nothing better in life than sitting in Barnes and Noble, drinking Starbucks coffee, and sharing my life with my spouse. Sharing my fears, my flaws, wants, and dreams. Sharing my views with him, even when they differ from his. Telling him I am afraid. Laying my ego on the table and trusting he will not crush my spirit.

Those moments are the best of my week. A time when we build each other up with encouragement and level each other out with loving honesty. It is not easy to hear honesty at times, but when you trust the person giving it, you look for the truth in the words and learn from them. Growing together in marriage is a battle and does not come easily, but we are fighting for it everyday.

When I first got a glimpse of Mariah I was awestruck!  I usually term it “I almost messed my pants,” but since this embarrasses Mariah I’ll refrain from using that type of language on her blog.   I think it was the combination of the long, jet black, curly hair and her other “natural” resources that hit me like a ton of bricks, and like any God fearing seminary student at the time, I couldn’t wait to get a better look and see if I could scam a date.  I was quick to realize I didn’t have a chance, she was obviously way out of my league, and this skinny, poor, white boy from Downriver Detroit would only be setting himself up for heartbreak by attempting to get into the game with this brown bombshell.

Throughout our sixteen years of marriage I’ve looked back over those initial moments of our relationship and shake my head.  I couldn’t believe how wrong and how right I was right there at the beginning.  She was so much deeper, complex, insightful than her surface beauty revealed.  There were wounds, insecurities, passion, ambitious determination, incredible talent, and unlimited personal potential layered beneath that 20 year old body and gorgeous black hair!

I was right, she has broken my heart.  There were dark moments; times I couldn’t catch my breath due to the blow to my soul.  Sitting outside a hospital emergency restroom as she miscarried our second child, sitting by herself because there just wasn’t a bed available for her, I cried feeling our world shattering around us.  How could you ever put into words the emptiness you feel at those moments, how can meaningless expressions of love reveal the pathway through personal hell that you walk with a person you call your wife.  Moments you don’t even name because the pain is still so real, so deep that you just accept them as the price you pay for vowing to God to accept the best and worse He will allow you to go through.  How could you ever imagine those moments at a chance meeting sitting in your buddy’s Ford Thunderbird, listening to Boston blare on the radio, how could you ever imagine?

I could never have imagined how deeply I would love seeing her nurture her children, cradle our babies, cheer every meaningless tee-ball hit or blown layup.  I have never been happier in my life than the countless moments I wake up next her and catch a smile as she closes her eyes.  Every dark moment has been leveled out by 10,000 moments of immense joy, guiltless passion, and healing laughter.

You could never know her like I do, and I fully know this is God’s rich blessing in my life.  I wouldn’t trade one moment of our life together, every step in our path is my destiny and I still am in shock I have this opportunity to share her life.  Mariah, you are still out of my league, but you are my true companion, my best friend.  To say I love you doesn’t express my feelings just right, I completely adore you!  Thank you for accepting the risk of sharing your life with me.

Happy Valentine’s Day, I hope this gets me out of buying flowers!